There’s only one way to go and that’s…

Hey! Curly Sue here 🙂 Trying my best not to fall apart. Moved AGAIN. From Sanford to Orlando back to Sanford with my aunt. And without my Bf. We broke up because of his lying and stealing ways. I don’t know why I still see his potential. Believe me he could be the most genuine honest and giving man. I promise I’ve seen it. His upbringing is hybrid but even both have groningen closer to God. I say we because although I broke up with him I will not turn my back on him like his family does. 

 He was homeless for a while yet his brother or sister didn’t bother to call and ask how is he or where is he staying. Not once. He has no one in this life. I can’t walk away knowing his history and witnessing the family he has. I came from such a different upbringing where my family is always there for me REGARDLESS of my mistakes. That’s been all my life. I won’t say his story because it’s for hiking to tell but he didn’t have why I was blessed with as a childhood growing up. He will change. I know this because I’ve already started to see the change in him. 

 Well, only thing is my baby daddy  (still counts) is in jail for you months BUT by the grace of our dear God it’ll be 3 months and some change. The love of my life will be out on the day of his birthday. Yes I admit it sound crazy. I am waiting for him after I just said we are broken up. Jaja jaja. I’m insane yes I know. I trust in God and his guidance. Believe it or not that hot mess of a man who needs my help brought me closer to my Lord. Thanks to him I pray more and I have been going to church more often. My faith has strengthened. 

Update: I am still in school for Medical Assistant. All I have left are TWO classes. March came sooner than what I thought.

 For the new year of 2018 I am planning on getting a journal to write in or doodle in or simply to write memos. A simple notebook that describes me, to be carried by me at all times. I am claiming it now 2018 is my year of positivity, blessings, and nothing but good. 

 Xoxo

Curly Sue

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Off my ass & Movin’

 When I stopped writing in June 2016 I hit rock bottom and then I came back up and now I’m about to hit rock bottom again.

 I’m in a completely different place than a little over a year ago. Now my bf and I have our own place. Our own home BUT there’s always a battle to fight. This past year since I lost wrote I got the opportunity to be a teacher and man how great it feels. Now I want children of my own. I prayed to have the gift of life and when I got it I lost my baby. I just two months I had a miscarriage. It hurt like he’ll physically but of course it hurt more mentally.  Not many know because to start off not many knew I was pregnant. I used to blame myself, then I blamed my bf, and now I’ve accepted it wasn’t the time. Anyways, that’s a blog for a different day .

 I’m back and I’m FIGHTING harder than EVER! My family now knows of the horrible situation my bf was in and how I had to go through with knowing that but now we’re working on putting it behind us. Cutting of the ties and just continue to progress. I am in college again for (drum roll please) …..

CERTIFIED MEDICAL ASSISTANT which I’m doing super good in. I’m still going to pursue Psychology just not now. God has other plans for muah. If he allows it I’ll graduate it March.. YAY!! Life’s not perfect but I’m getting through it. I haven’t made my rent BUT at least my car is paid off for the month. I have faith and I’ll be caught up with my bills. I’ve decided to get OFF my ASS AND GET MOVING!!
Xoxo, your curly sue 😘
p.s. peeped that I’m no longer Brookeitornot but that’s a story for a rainy day 😜

#life #getbackup #cma#medicalassistant #rockbottom

Misunderstood..

On the bright side I’m doing great in school. I’ve been getting A’s on all of my courses. Makes me feel great because there’s a sense of satisfaction. I have my associates but I can’t really do anything with it. Just a bit more and I’ll have my bachelor’s. I do it for my mom mainly. She raised on her own and she only wants to see greatness from me. She raised me the right way so that I’d be successful.

Woman this, woman that..

Ugh… I remember being 10 years old getting into trouble while my brother got away with everything. I remember turning 18 and still not able to sleep at a friends house. Correction, MY Best friends house which was DOWN the street. Literally,  a few blocks away. But my brother could sneak out, get caught sneaking girls in, and still sleepover a friends house. I’ve always been the “good child” because I listen and do as I’m told. I’ve rebelled a few times thinking if I’m like my brother maybe I’ll have more freedom. BIG HUGE FAIL. You want to know why????? Because I am a GIRL. I have a VAGINA and he has a fucking DICK. I tried moving out at 19 and that did not work for my mom. Even when I wanted to go away for college she hoped I wouldn’t. Don’t get me wrong she wants the best for me and I know but damn, there were times it was a bit much. Then finally at 21 I moved out an entire 17 hours away. I was only able to do so because I left with my brother who BTW is 3 years younger than me. He got to move out as soon as he hit 18 no questions asked. It was only a couple hours away because he lived on campus but still point is he didn’t get any push back. He makes decisions and they stick. Anyways back to my main point *jajaja* sorry got completely sidetracked… but uhm.. yes, women! Why does everything happen to women? We catch all the vaginal infections just. Sexually active or not we still catch those infections just because out pH balance go out of wack, or if we wear tight clothes all the time, or even if we don’t eat right. Well I’ve had UTI’s and yeast infections and let me tell you they are the absolute worse!!! *inserts super angry emoji* I thought it was because I was Sexually active but nope. I got them even when I went months without sex (my bf and I were long distance at one point) but yeahp, drove me even crazier. It is so hard to go to word when you have your period and you are in constant pain because of your cramps right? Tuh… I take my period at work over any vaginal infection while I’m at work or anywhere really. It is the most uncomfortable thing EVER. I read online that dipping a tampon in a cup with half water and half hydrogen peroxide works. Well I’m desperate so I tried it. SHIT, THAT FUCKING SHIT BURNED LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER!!!!! It did help though. It’s just my vagina was inflamed and sore. I also ate greek yogurt to help keep the good bacteria. I don’t feel the itching and burning so best believe I’ll be trying it again in a few hours. I’ll do more water this time. Why must we go through it all? Pregnancy deliveries, menopause, periods, infections, etc. Speaking about pregnancies I think I want a baby. I’m 10 days late. My bf told me last night he wants a baby. So I think we’re going to make it happen. There was a point where I thought there would be no hope due to the fact he grew up doing all kinds of drugs. He’s been clean and staying out of trouble because of the life he wants for himself and me. I hope he keeps it up. Kay, toodles..

Rainy Days

Today has been a pretty regular day. Well.. my new regular because never in my life did I think this would be a regular day for me. My on and off bf of two years is on house arrest and I have to live with the man who raped him for six years of his life. My apartment couldn’t be our home anymore because when you are on house arrest you can’t leave the county. So I gave up my apt to live with him and his Step-dad/foster dad/ rapest /normal acting sicko. He is on house arrest because of his fault anyways. Crazy how he’s had a tough life and it only gets harder. Anyways, I was watching him work on his dreams. I never did that before with anyone. It comes so naturally and I hope his dream to be a rapper comes true. Might sound basic but I always wanted o be a dancer but because of my mom and society I didn’t. I had the chance if I wanted to because I was good. Too late for my dreams now though. I am only getting older and more than halfway done with school. I am glad to see him begin to work on his dream though. Hopefully, we can save up enough to move out in a month. I have been here for three weeks and I don’t know if I can be here any longer. I can’t leave him though. Only a few more months of probation and all this will be over. These are things no one else knows. My bf confides in me and I confide in him to an extent because he won’t understand me. He’s experienced more life than anyone I know. Through him I’ve learned to see things differently. My perspective, my way of thinking has changed. For the better..

Cavs VS Warriors.. Psh

So I am a Cleveland Cavaliers fan but not by choice. I’m sure many of you woman out there can relate when I say I never used to watch sports until I met my boyfriend. My family is ALL about sports and whatnot. Almost ALL my cousins, girls or boys play sports. Then there’s me. Even my brother was good at any sport he played. Yet, I knew nothing about the sports world until I met my partner. Since we live together he’s gotten me into basketball. His team is the Cleveland Cavaliers. The Golden State Warriors are much better and skilled at the craft so sorry baby but the Cavs are losing the Championship! *boohoo* Today us their second round and they are still playing horrible. Kevin love does not make a difference in the team. I thought he was going to bring more game. J.R. Smith where did you go??? The first game as I recall he didn’t make a one ball. Curry and Thompson weren’t even needed to beat the Cavs. LIKE HELLO???? IS ANYONE PLAYING BECAUSE HOW BAD CAN THE CAVS BE? Btw’s YES my boyfriend heard me say all these things during the game. Anyways Golden State got their second win so yay! To them and Cavs the next game will be at your home so GET WITH THE GAME!